Issue date: 9/18/07 Section: Opinion

This summer, a gay nurse at HUP asked me to go on a date with him. And I said yes.

But we weren't interested in getting down and dirty (I'm straight, and he has standards.) We wanted to make sure we were clean.

We got tested for HIV.

Together, my friend and I ventured into the heart of the Gayborhood to the Washington West Project, an LGBT health clinic associated with the Mazzoni Center. No appointments were necessary, and the price - free - was quite reasonable.

But the best part was waiting for the results. The Project uses the OraQuik Advance test that, with only one drop of blood, provides highly accurate results in about 20 minutes.

This seems like a reasonably quick and painless way - minus the whole getting-stabbed-with-a-needle thing - to find some peace of mind.

And while I waited for the results, at least seven other people were tested too. If Penn offered rapid and free HIV tests, more students would finally make the tough decision to make sure they're clean.

Currently, Student Health Service offers routine and confidential STD screening, but results for the HIV test take a tortuously long two weeks.

Moreover, for any test that requires outside lab analysis - that's most of them, including the HIV test - SHS bills the student's insurance provider.

That's worse than just having to pay for the test. That's getting a bill sent home to let Mom know you're getting freaky. No thanks, Student Health (I'll just write this column instead. Hi, Mom!).

Thankfully, the Office of Health Education offers free, confidential testing every Friday. However, you must schedule an appointment well in advance. In fact, as of this Sunday, OHE was completely booked - probably because they offer a mere 12 spots per week. Clearly, supply can't keep up with demand.

And just like SHS (the two offices are separate), the OHE's results take an agonizingly long two weeks. Penn should provide the same free, rapid result walk-in tests used at Mazzoni.

When I asked Thom Reda at SHS what he thought of this, he said he couldn't agree more. He felt the Penn community should do more to encourage STI testing, and switch to free, fast testing. The quick result test has already been discussed but "it'll probably take two or three years before you see any big changes," Reda told me.

The reason?

"Bureaucracy."

Now, if you are one of those heaven-bound, holier-than-thou religious types, you probably stopped reading this column at "gay man." But if you're still reading, you should get tested too. While remote, there remains a small chance that you might have acquired HIV through a blood transfusion or from hardcore heroin use.

And no matter how devout you are, it takes only one devil-drink-fueled night to make an irrevocable mistake. A contrite confession and a dozen Hail Mary's the next day might wipe you clean of sin, but it won't do jack for your blood.

But if you're like me (already damned to hell) then you have no excuse. Get tested. I asked a few dozen students if they'd been tested, and the results were pretty sad. Of the 24 Penn students I asked, only three had undergone screening.

Many said they felt like they should get tested, but just hadn't gotten around to it. Some said they didn't know where or how to get tested. Others said they'd like to get tested, but couldn't find the time for an appointment or to go downtown.

But what if OHE offered free, quick, walk-in tests, right from its office along Locust Walk? "Absolutely," said one Engineering senior, who wished to remain anonymous because he didn't "want people to think I might have AIDS."

"But, really, do engineers have to worry about AIDS?" he went on to add. "Like, do we ever have sex?"

They do and most of us do too: estimates vary, but over 80 percent of college students are sexually active. Penn needs to recognize that fact and improve testing immediately.

Until they do, you can still get free rapid result tests nearby. The Mazzoni Center offers free testing at both its 12th and Chestnut location and at the Washington West Project at 12th and Locust. And Health Education's Web site has a fantastic list of clinics in and around Philadelphia that also provide free, confidential and anonymous testing.

As for me, I've already made plans for a second date at Washington West. You should make plans too.

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Jim Saksa is a College senior from Philadelphia. His e-mail address is saksa@dailypennsylvanian.com. You, Sir, are an Idiot appears on Tuesdays.

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